How to sign a card
My wife asked me to sign a birthday card for my brother today. The card read as follows:
To a very special guy…
Then on the inside:
Have a great birthday.
I pondered the situation for second. I first considered writing: “And by special we mean retarded.” But that seemed to harsh for a birthday card, and honestly, a bit trite. Then I considered: “And by special we mean gay.” I almost went with this, I really felt like it conveyed the message I was trying to get across to him. However, after another maybe 5 seconds I thought, no, don’t get caught up in this trap of writing things. Just sign your full name and maybe self gloss a good nickname and be done with it. So that’s exactly what I did.
First Middle Last
“self gloss”
The nickname here is crucial. It did take me maybe 2 seconds to think of an appropriate one. “Vagina Dominator” It lets the reader of the card know that you ain’t fucking around. When I’m not signing cards, I’m waist deep in vagina’s, dominating like a real man should. And really, what else could you hope to convey using only 5 words. Especially when you waste 3 of them on your name.
- jbritz
“Vagina Dominator”