Found Dead, Dick in Jar of Applesauce
After seeing several celebrity deaths in the last few years, some having the body discovered naked, or in an odd position, the topic of what is the best way to be found dead came up. The best way to be found dead is completely naked with your dick in a jar of applesauce.
This revelation would raise all sorts of questions. Why was he fucking the applesauce, and why did it kill him? Was that the first time he fucked the applesauce, or was it common? I would also like to have "I love Applesauce" written in permanent marker across my chest. Another bonus of being found in this position is that even if you are unknown, people will still talk about your passing. Also, it is imperative to have an "I hate applesauce" headband, you know, to create controversy. This also creates the opportunity for a brilliant head stone: He died doing what he loved... applesauce.
With the instant fame your death would bring you should take measures to ensure your final positioning. This outcome can't really be guaranteed unless you plan to commit suicide. Since most of us have no plans for that, you should plan a will so that if found dead by a friend or relative, they must strip you naked and place your dick in the applesauce themselves, thus claiming a hefty reward. This is as close to a guarantee as can be mustered.
--Jbritz