Proof-Facts

Brett Favre will be coming back to the NFL again this year after signing with the Vikings.  This immediately begs the question:  How much is NBC paying him to come back?

Why is that question so prevalent?  Because, dumbass, think about it.  John Madden LOVES Brett Favre.  Just do any combo of madden, favre, john, brett, popcorn machine, or  turkduken on youtube and you will see that this is true.  John Madden loves Brett Favre so much that he retired because he thought Favre was finally done.  Now that Favre is returning Madden will undoubtedly want to return as well.

Now, who benefits from Madden returning?  NBC of course.  John Madden is the only announcer to ever drive ratings to football, so he is immensely important to NBC.  Yeah, I know a lot of people hate madden, but a ton more love him.  So while Favre’s official contract is in the 10-12 million range,  I’m assuming his NBC payday to be at least twice that number.

Mark my words, John Madden will be back in the NBC booth by week 1 of the NFL season.

I was checking some of the google analytics data for proof-facts the other day and I noticed that there was somebody in the Boston area visiting the site.  If that person is you, and you’re a hot chick, leave a comment with you’re phone number.  If, on the other hand, you’re Tom Brady, you should let me hit it off that hot ass wife you got.

Now Tom, I’ve never been in a 3-way with another dude before, but I think we could make this work.  Just as long as you face the corner, don’t look at me, and remain in complete silence as I plow the Mrs.  Also, I like for the women to call me Samson, so if you could prep Gisele that would be great.  One last thing, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this since you read the site, but I’m going to need to have a large container of applesauce bedside for this.

Go buy the Nashville, TN house that Steve McNair is sure to be haunting.  The only downfall is that the skank Saleh Kazemi comes with the house as well.

This movie would be awesome. You get the guys from Ocean’s 13 and they get together to do their next job. As it turns out they are looking to rob some famous art/vase/crap no one cares about from some random millionaire who happens to be Bruce Wayne. So they go through all the planning and make their witty remarks the whole way.

Next they break in and are prowling around the house when BOOM! Batman comes in and FUCKS THEM UP! I don’t even care that Danny Ocean used to be Batman and that fact should tip him off about robbing Bruce Wayne. He forgot about it due to amnesia he has because he got hypnotized to forget having sex with HorseMouth or he contracted it while making out with Jason Bourne (you can get it that way, just like parkinsons). Plus you have a sweet fight scene when Batman fights Tyler Durden.

BOOM, you got about $500 million worth of profits on your hands.

Julia Roberts has way too many teeth. A regular person has 32 teeth while HorseMouth has around 647 teeth. All of which are twice the size of regular people teeth. Also, HorseMouth thinks it’s attractive to completely open her mouth and display all 647 teeth when she thinks something is funny. She is wrong.

The interesting fact about HorseMouth is that the FBI only allows her to brush her teeth once a day because if she brushed twice a day like most people do the rest of America would not have toothpaste. As it stands now she uses so much toothpaste that tiny starving kids in Africa can’t brush their teeth at night, and that’s the only food those kids get. So basically HorseMouth is responsible for all the starving kids in Africa. It’s science.

As you can tell, Roberts was clearly sired by a horse.