Proof-Facts

As a man of many interests, I attended a WNBA game this weekend between the Indiana Fever and New York Liberty.  Many who know me would tell you that is the last place you would ever see me, but I’ll tell what, those lesbo’s almost sold me.   The fun I had keeping track of missed layups (15-30 for the game) and passes to no one (12) kept my interest piqued right to the very end.  After the 3rd the two teams had combined for an unthinkable 11-18 on layups.  You read that right, WNBA players were shooting at a 61.1% clip from 2 feet and in.

As I sat in  disbelief at the teams taking a run at the holy grail of a 50% plus shooting from 2 feet, they fell back to earth.  In a shooting display the likes of which many WNBA fans have seen before, the teams went on an epic 4-12 run to close the game and finish at a still high percentage (for women).

When watching the game played at that high of level you get to thinking things like: What if all these women had been aborted, what would I be doing right now?  Alas, without a time machine, a back alley, and a hanger I’ll never know the answer to that question.

First of all, I have never seen The Lake House. Why you ask, well, the name sucks big monkey balls. I don’t understand how the producers, marketing people, and director didn’t think to change the name.

Let’s look at the facts:

1. Keanu Reeves sends letters through a mailbox into the future/past (i don’t know which, I didn’t see the damn thing).

2. That chick from ‘the net’ sends mail through the mailbox back to Keanu.

3. Somehow they fall in love without ever meeting, but maybe one of them dies or some shit nobody cares about.

4. They both lived in a house by a lake.

Now, out of these plot points which is the most interesting? It ain’t retarded ass people sending mail to themselves (who the fuck does that?). It ain’t two losers in their forties who can’t get a date. So yeah, I think we should go with the time travel aspect of this pile of crap.

I have done extensive statistical analysis (Math Minor) on this and I have determined that if they would have named this movie Time Travel Mailbox instead of The Lake House their profits would have increased at least six fold. Unsuspecting people would have had their interest piqued by the possibilities of Mailbox time travel would have surely been disappointed, but that isn’t the point. Dollar Bills are point. Hollywood needs to let me name movies. Hell they need to let me make movies. Batman 3-Oceans 14 anyone?

There is proof of perpetual motion that has escaped scientists for years. The idea that perpetual motion is fantasy can be disproved with two words:

 Parkinson's Disease.

Think about it, has anyone ever seen someone afflicted by this miracle of science/debilitating disease stop moving. It amazes me how simple facts like these can escape people for so long. I should have been a scientist, I’d be rich by now.

Most people are no longer afraid of flying. Most people are idiots. It is widely believed that flying is safe, this is a lie. People will tell you that statistically speaking, the chances of the plane you are on crashing are minuscule. Well these people are retarded, and using some kind of statistical analysis created by apes, and not those apes that speak sign language, these apes have a learning disability.

You see, this is how it breaks down. Before the plane takes off, the chances of a plane crash are very small, and after you land, the chances of a plane crash happening are also very small. However, from the time the plane you are on gets on the runway until the time you get off the plane the chances of a crash are 50%.

You see the only two possibilities are:

1. Landing safely
2. Plane crash

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