Proof-Facts

First of all, I have never seen The Lake House. Why you ask, well, the name sucks big monkey balls. I don’t understand how the producers, marketing people, and director didn’t think to change the name.

Let’s look at the facts:

1. Keanu Reeves sends letters through a mailbox into the future/past (i don’t know which, I didn’t see the damn thing).

2. That chick from ‘the net’ sends mail through the mailbox back to Keanu.

3. Somehow they fall in love without ever meeting, but maybe one of them dies or some shit nobody cares about.

4. They both lived in a house by a lake.

Now, out of these plot points which is the most interesting? It ain’t retarded ass people sending mail to themselves (who the fuck does that?). It ain’t two losers in their forties who can’t get a date. So yeah, I think we should go with the time travel aspect of this pile of crap.

I have done extensive statistical analysis (Math Minor) on this and I have determined that if they would have named this movie Time Travel Mailbox instead of The Lake House their profits would have increased at least six fold. Unsuspecting people would have had their interest piqued by the possibilities of Mailbox time travel would have surely been disappointed, but that isn’t the point. Dollar Bills are point. Hollywood needs to let me name movies. Hell they need to let me make movies. Batman 3-Oceans 14 anyone?

This movie would be awesome. You get the guys from Ocean’s 13 and they get together to do their next job. As it turns out they are looking to rob some famous art/vase/crap no one cares about from some random millionaire who happens to be Bruce Wayne. So they go through all the planning and make their witty remarks the whole way.

Next they break in and are prowling around the house when BOOM! Batman comes in and FUCKS THEM UP! I don’t even care that Danny Ocean used to be Batman and that fact should tip him off about robbing Bruce Wayne. He forgot about it due to amnesia he has because he got hypnotized to forget having sex with HorseMouth or he contracted it while making out with Jason Bourne (you can get it that way, just like parkinsons). Plus you have a sweet fight scene when Batman fights Tyler Durden.

BOOM, you got about $500 million worth of profits on your hands.