My wife asked me to sign a birthday card for my brother today. The card read as follows:
To a very special guy…
Then on the inside:
Have a great birthday.
I pondered the situation for second. I first considered writing: “And by special we mean retarded.” But that seemed to harsh for a birthday card, and honestly, a bit trite. Then I considered: “And by special we mean gay.” I almost went with this, I really felt like it conveyed the message I was trying to get across to him. However, after another maybe 5 seconds I thought, no, don’t get caught up in this trap of writing things. Just sign your full name and maybe self gloss a good nickname and be done with it. So that’s exactly what I did.
First Middle Last
“self gloss”
The nickname here is crucial. It did take me maybe 2 seconds to think of an appropriate one. “Vagina Dominator” It lets the reader of the card know that you ain’t fucking around. When I’m not signing cards, I’m waist deep in vagina’s, dominating like a real man should. And really, what else could you hope to convey using only 5 words. Especially when you waste 3 of them on your name.
A thought on turnover rates and what they indicate in a given company.
Lets take a look at the life cycle of an employee:
New employee, works hard to impress.
That is, until they figure out the job, start slacking.
Become liability, get canned.
Ergo,
The higher the turnover rate, the better the company! A higher turnover rate indicates your company has the pulse of it’s employees. Shit canning them when they become less productive.
Here at proof-facts we don’t usually go pimping things. Especially things that don’t pay us, but, despite this I will give grooveshark.com some love. You can listen to any song you want there, in it’s entirety, for free. None of that pandora bullshit where you set a station and hope to hear the song you want.
Now, here is an example of how awesome this site can be. I set this playlist up using their create a widget functionality:
A lady at work recently got the swine flu and has survived, but is now withholding the antibodies in a truly insidious move. If I can get some of her blood and mix it with mine then I can become invincible to the swine flu. I think the selfishness evident here is of the worst kind. I mean, if I had precious antibodies in my blood that could be mixed with the blood of commoners to save them from their ills, then I would share it. Now, would I charge them for it, of course, but the antibodies would be available for purchase. This lady is simply hoarding them all for herself when she is already swine flu invincible. She should be expecting a call from my lawyer about this issue.