Proof-Facts

This chat conversation happened at my place of work the other day. I present it to you as an example of how to be the most awesome motherfucker in the fucking office. This came about after having my elbows resting on my desk all the time was causing me some discomfort.

• jbritz: i need elbow pads
• coworker: it should always halt on error always
• jbritz: and i should have elbow pads
  elbow on the desk all day is causing bruising
  now i got my jacket helping the situation a bit
  I’M GONNA MAKE IT
• coworker: mark up your elbows to make it look way worse
• jbritz: hahhaha
• coworker: then go to [HR] office, show her your bloody elbows
• jbritz: tell her [boss] attacked me
• coworker: “I NEED ELBOW PADS”
• jbritz: oh, went the other way, yeah
  i should just start wearing like volleyball pads around the office
  then when people say shit
  fake like i’m gonna hit them with my elbows
  then get right in their face
  and real intense be like
• coworker: say you got elbow surgery
• jbritz: MY ELBOWS ARE DANGEROUS
• coworker: act like QA
• jbritz: hahaha
  YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF ONE THESE BAD MAMMAJAMMAS SON
  then go
  YOU WANT TO SEE IT?
  and pull the pad off a bit
  then go
  NOT TOO MUCH
  put it back on
  take off
  this is going up as a proof-facts article later

You implement this plan and everyone in your office will respect and fear you, now and forever.